For the past month I have been running again. Three miles tops and two at minimum. This is nothing that I haven’t done before. In fact, before I got pregnant I was doing three to four miles a day and it was nothing for me to shred one to three pounds a week. After I had Baby Girl, I figured it would be the same.
I was wrong.
So very wrong.
I struggled with one mile. Then I was able to do two. Now I can do three and a half. I was elated when I finished a practice 5k in under an hour. I eagerly awaited my weigh in day to see those pounds going away.
I gained three pounds.
Seriously. I can assure you that I was very very unhappy. So I did what I normally did, I ramped my workout up, ate less healthy food, covered my emotions with sweets, and weighed on every scale that I could find. So went the downward spiral that I had forgotten about.
I decided for my sanity and health that I would take a break this week and just evaluate where I was at. I looked back at previous journal entries and saw that when I was loosing the weight, I was happy. I was content in my life and I was controlling my emotional eating, I was taking time for myself, I was free.
These days with raising a child semi by myself, taking care of a sick mother helping an ailing grandmother, I don’t have much time for myself. I squeeze in an hour run every other day. I don’t do my yoga anymore, I don’t try my headstands, I don’t eat the healthy stuff I did, I don’t journal and self evaluate anymore… I just exist. I go through my days, existing.
How depressing can I get, right?
It made me realize how IMPORTANT taking care of the self is. This is not in some New Age ‘self discovery’ thing, I like to trust God more than that. It’s more of a self aware and just having the confidence and connectedness with what you really want.
I have started to talk to God more, I have started more Bible Studies (currently on a study about Fruit of the Spirit) and I just am starting to become more involved with myself. You have to. God has a much higher plan for us than for us to be worried about weight, food, the scale, how fast I run… I had to step away to realize this. I have to breath more. Thank God more.
Be more thankful and grateful.
Just find out what I want.