Something about myself

Today I was researching information about the characteristics of Pride for a novel/story idea that I had. As I was reading some things I started to sweat. A lot.

I got a little uncomfortable.

There is was in black and white:

  1. Do you have a hard time admitting when you are wrong?
  2. Do you become defensive when you are criticized or corrected?
  3. Do you often complain—about the weather, your health, your circumstances, your job, your church?
  4. Do you neglect to express gratitude for “little things”? To God? To others?

(You can read the full list here: Evidences of Pride)

The list has about 41 items on it and I was shocked at how many applied to me. Me? Prideful? No, It can’t be so. But there is was, all those characteristics of pride glaring at me as I cringed.

I am prideful. It’s something that I had thought and played around with for a while, but never seriously considered that I could be that way. I mean, I thought of everyone else instead of myself! I never said no to others! I was putting others first since day one!

But, as I rechecked my attitudes I started to feel ashamed. I complain about everything and everyone. I do not even thank God for the little things. I absolutely HATE admitting when I am wrong. Abhor it, even. Do not even try to correct me, I’m as prickly as a cactus!

Now, I sit here ashamed at myself. Praying and begging God to please knock me down a peg. Humble me. Guide me. Correct me when i’m wrong, Oh Lord!!

It’s exhausting being right all the time. Constantly fighting to be heard and acknowledged just to feel seen. I have to know that people approve of my decisions, my actions, my thoughts. How tiring. How draining, not only physically, but Lord, emotionally and spiritually as well.

Friends, say a prayer for me. Please. Pray that I become humbled and my pride is knocked away.

Maybe I won’t be so tired anymore. Maybe I can quit fighting against the world.

~Hannah

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