Today I was researching information about the characteristics of Pride for a novel/story idea that I had. As I was reading some things I started to sweat. A lot.
I got a little uncomfortable.
There is was in black and white:
- Do you have a hard time admitting when you are wrong?
- Do you become defensive when you are criticized or corrected?
- Do you often complain—about the weather, your health, your circumstances, your job, your church?
- Do you neglect to express gratitude for “little things”? To God? To others?
(You can read the full list here: Evidences of Pride)
The list has about 41 items on it and I was shocked at how many applied to me. Me? Prideful? No, It can’t be so. But there is was, all those characteristics of pride glaring at me as I cringed.
I am prideful. It’s something that I had thought and played around with for a while, but never seriously considered that I could be that way. I mean, I thought of everyone else instead of myself! I never said no to others! I was putting others first since day one!
But, as I rechecked my attitudes I started to feel ashamed. I complain about everything and everyone. I do not even thank God for the little things. I absolutely HATE admitting when I am wrong. Abhor it, even. Do not even try to correct me, I’m as prickly as a cactus!
Now, I sit here ashamed at myself. Praying and begging God to please knock me down a peg. Humble me. Guide me. Correct me when i’m wrong, Oh Lord!!
It’s exhausting being right all the time. Constantly fighting to be heard and acknowledged just to feel seen. I have to know that people approve of my decisions, my actions, my thoughts. How tiring. How draining, not only physically, but Lord, emotionally and spiritually as well.
Friends, say a prayer for me. Please. Pray that I become humbled and my pride is knocked away.
Maybe I won’t be so tired anymore. Maybe I can quit fighting against the world.