I promise…

For those that do not know, my  mother is in hospice. She has end stage Ovarian and Cervical Cancer. She had border line kidney failure.

My family is going through a stressful and tough time. Prayer appreciated.

Any who, that being said, I understand better than most people, that things are a little wonky right now and everyone can be a bit tense and prickly.

But, what I can’t understand is being a complete smart ass, being snarky at people, constantly being sarcastic, bad mouthing behind family’s back all the time, and just generally being ugly.

Sorry I have a daughter that made me late. Sorry I know I am right about the meds and took a little offense that you went behind my back and changed them anyways, sorry I know what I am talking about and get frustrated when you ask someone else and believe them instead of me.

That will be your problem from now on.

I promise to keep my mouth shut around you. Your opinion of me will no longer give me validation as to who I am.

I promise to keep my own opinions to myself. I will instead speculate with the nurses about things and my man who actually listens without judgement.

I promise to no longer vent with you. You will no longer be privy to inner thoughts, sadness, pain, frustrations, and hurt.

I promise to not leave my child with you anymore. You will no longer have to complain that she is too loud, too wild, too spoiled, too fat, too anything. She’s perfect.

I promise that you will not control my thoughts or actions by what you say or your attitude. I am a grown woman. You are too. Let’s act like it.

I promise that you will never see me cry or see me weak. We’re family, but you can’t handle me being anything else but what you think you see me as.

I promise to gain confidence in myself. This way you can’t tear me down with nasty words, comments, remarks, eye rolls, texts to your daughter, or texts to me.

I promise to no longer show up with an excuse. I’m here. Thank the Lord.

I promise to never explain myself. I shouldn’t have too. You don’t. Neither will I.

Lastly, I promise to always be here beside you for a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a ear to hear, and a heart to feel compassion. But, we can no longer be best friends, bff’s, buds, we must simply be family. That is enough for me right now.

I’m hurt by the attitude that I’ve constantly received every time you’re around. I can’t do it anymore. I have a daughter and boyfriend that loves my smile too much.

I love you my dearest family. I love you so much it hurts. You’re my heart and soul. My life blood.

But it’s time for me to break free and think for myself.

~Hannah

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