What I learned in my 20’s

This year I will be 29 years old. My twenties are almost behind me and I’ve been thinking about these past two years. I think I have honestly learned more then, than I have in my entire life.

So, in light of my pondering, I’ve decided to actually spell out and take a look at all I have actually thought about. Now, I know that I haven’t exactly turned 30 yet and still technically in my 20’s… I might just have to repost and redo this in a year and a half.

People will not change for you: Plain and simple. Whether it is in a relationship, friendship, or even family. They will not change just because you ask them to. It might seem like they are, but they won’t. Only God can change a person. Only that person genuinely WANTING to change will make them change.

People will disappoint you: All the time. Again, regardless of it being friends, family, or relationships. People will not do what you ask, not help you when you really need it, will forget about you, will say mean things, and will just act nasty.

You will get your heart broken: It may be because of the first two points. Or you may have an unrequited love. Or the death of a loved one… What ever it is, you will have your heart broken and it will seem like you can’t function. But you can. You will.

You will learn the value of hard work: It might be getting fired from a job and having to settle for something less, it may be finding out that some jobs require you to think like an adult. Not everything is handed on a silver platter. You have to fight and work hard for the life you want to have. You may have to sacrifice some nights out, but it’s worth it.

You will learn you can’t blow money and have some for later too: That hard earned money is not magic. You can’t spend a dollar and expect it to still be there. Save money, put some back, invest it… do something to build a nest egg. You will need it. Spend wisely. occassionally there is nothing wrong with splurging, but not every day…

Your family comes first. No if, ands, or buts: My family has always had my back. They support me, love me, forgive me, help me, and are not afraid to kick me back to reality when I need it. Your family comes before any friends, acquaintance, side piece, friend with benefit… you get the picture. Spend time with them. All the time that you can.

Take care of yourself and exercise: Now, you do not have to be a size 2 with 10% body fat. But please, do some cardio, some yoga, some strength training… at least 30 minutes a day. Not to get skinny, not to be a twig… but because your body needs it. Bodies are not used to sitting and eating all the junk we do. So do yourself a favor and treat it right.

Likewise, take care of your mental health. With all the stress of the world… you need it: This world is hard. We are a generation that is more connected than ever before. With that comes more stress and more pressure. We have to be prefect, always smiling, look a certain way, act a certain way, think a certain way. We have to be successful and rich. We can’t afford to take time away. But please do. We need to unplug, step back, and just breath sometimes. Take the time to access your mental health. Are you stressed? Are you feeling more down than usual? Are you thinking bad thoughts? Establish a baseline and monitor yourself. Know when something is not right. Unwind.

Find God. Plain and simple:  Not everyone in this world is a Christian. I am, so this is important to me. If you’re not? That’s fine. I’ll still accept and love everyone. But find God, my friends. Such a sweet Redeemer. A balm to a scorched soul. Find that flowing river and dive in. If you’re skeptical? Have you tried God? Have you asked to be shown? I have been put at peace so many times by my Savior.

Some things are not worth fighting over: Cleaning a vent in an air conditioner is not a justifiable thing to fight over. Does it matter that it took 5 minutes extra to clean it? No. Will it matter in the long run? No. So why waste the energy on it? Why let the negativity stew? Just put it aside and move along. It’s not worth the energy to fuss about.

Some people are not worth fighting to keep in your life: In your life you are going to collect people that are not good for you. They are negative and bring you down all the time. Or people that encourage you to do back things. Listen to me, let them go. Right now. Let them go. They are not worth the energy. They will not change for you, they will disappoint, and they are not worth fighting with. Whether it’s a boyfriend or friend… whatever. Let them go. If it’s family? Maybe a little space is needed.

People will always have opinions on what you wear, eat, parent, and even walk: Everyone in this world has an opinion and everyone is not afraid to say it. They will talk you down about whatever. Most of the time, it’s because they are unhappy with themselves. Just remember that. Ignore their mess. Focus on your life. You do not need anyone’s approval. As long as you are doing Gods will, what does it matter what man says?

You are responsible for your happiness: You really are. You alone can choose to ignore the mouthy people, to smile, to experience joy, to brush off the negative people, to be present in the moment… no one else. Your choice. Sit and stew about things, or give them to God and brush it off.

Time goes by so much faster the older you get: When I was younger, a day felt like a week. Now? A week feels like a day. There is not enough daylight in the day and not enough night in the night time. I feel like I need more sleep and I do not have enough time to spend with my daughter after doing what I need to during the day. She is getting huge and growing so fast. Next year I guess she will be going to college! Not really, but time feels that fast these days.

Ignore the petty smartass comments: This kind of goes back to the opinions thing. But I feel like it should be separate. Smart comments only reflect a negative mind. Don’t fall into that. It’s a trap. Don’t do it.

Don’t ever be afraid to stand up for yourself and your opinion: I’m so guilty of rolling over and just not wanting to rock the boat. But at the same time, I am not a bad pushover. I like to think myself through it and eventually stand up. Don’t do that. You can’t. If you have a problem, solve it right then. Don’t stew about it. Just voice your concern or issue and go ahead and stand firm. Do not back down. If you find you are wrong, be able to sway. Stand up for what is right and just. Always stand up for Christ. It’s always worth it.

You can say NO: I have a hard time telling someone no. I say maybe or I’ll see and then I always end up doing it. This habit has put me out many times. I have suffered from doing it. The guilt that I have eats me up whenever I say no. But the older I get, the more I realize that it’s ok to say no. My family has shown me that it’s ok. They will catch me and pick up the slack if I need them too. It. Is. Ok.

People pleasing will only drain you. Please God: It drains you. It creates guilt in places there shouldn’t be. It makes your life dim. It haunts you. Don’t do it.

You need Church. If you’re a christian, you need a church family: If you are serving God and wanting to grow in Christ (as we should), you need that church family. You need the fellowship. The encouragement that fellow Christians can give is amazing. We need that.

Keep your relationship between you and them. No one else. Need to vent/? Talk to God: I have a huge issue with hurting others and not wanting to rock the boat (like I said.. ugh me…). I never wanted to let my boyfriend know when I was upset or irritated. I would turn to vent to his grandmother, my grandmother, my best friend… everyone that would listen. Terrible terrible TERRIBLE idea. Do not do this. Keep it between you and him. That’s where it should go and stay. If you need advice, pray. Talk to a friend that is centered on Christ, not one centered in the world. We don’t need worldly advice. We need advice from the Bible. Something that can lift us. Not encourage more confusion.

I don’t think I will ever be through learning. I will never stop finding out things, learning new lessons, being taught to go deeper… It’s a process.

Life is never predictable. My last piece of advice: Love yourself. Be completely in love with your mind and body and soul. Believe in yourself.



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