I checked out of life.
Motherhood, relationship, health, God. I checked out of it all. After my mother passed, or even before that while she was dying, I just woke up one day and quit. I did what I was told and never asked questions. I let others dictate how to raise me daughter, I let others bait me to pushing my SO away, I let God fall to the side, I ate and ate and ate.
I don’t know exactly why I did it. It could have been the stress and sadness from mom, the frustration of my daughter, the pressure from my boyfriend, or any number of things really. I just know that I ended up just not caring.
The consequences of that has placed me at my grandmothers house while me and my boyfriend take a break, a failed connection with God that has left me as lost as ever, a 187 pound hot mess, me constantly on social media to fill the void, and my daughter that is starting to like others more than me.
I know that I checked out. Or rather, it hit me like a ton of bricks several days ago while I was looking at the same Facebook post I had just got done commenting on. I refreshed the page and had started over.
Amazing isn’t, how we just ‘forget’ to be present in life. I don’t like it. I feel like I’ve lost the race and I’m being a sore loser about it. We have got to be more visible and active in our lives, everyone!! We need to wake up and not just smell the roses, but plant and cultivate them as well.